[15 June 2009]
As a child, I was fascinated with mysticism. Raised in a determinedly christian family, religion itself seemed little more than a control device. But the lives of the mystics…. that was a central sun for me.
Questions…. so many questions. How was it that an individual could actually hear the voice of God? How was it possible to understand and converse with animals? What understanding and connection did one have to be able to smile, joke, and converse with one’s torturer? …to heal, to levitate one’s body, to develop stigmata, to learn and know things not of this world?
Despite attending a seminary for eighteen months, answers were not forthcoming. I put the questions on a mental shelf where they could itch in seclusion. Mostly they gathered dust for several decades.
In those intervening years I perused a few religions. Most western christian held little to interest me. Also they were derivations from the catholic church. That august body, I felt, was steeped in control issues and mystery. Sacred Mysteries that were to be accepted as such by the lay person I could very well do without. I wanted answers, and more importantly, experience…. not more mysteries.
Inately, with some small degree of awareness, I knew there were perfectly understandable reasons for everything.
So the years passed. I traveled the States, then realized suddenly that if I saved my money, I could achieve my childhood dream of going to Australia. Within a year I arrived there. It felt more like home than anywhere else I’d been on the planet.
On the island of Tasmania, the first thunderbolt struck. I listened as a friend recounted an out of body event in which he had traveled to another “place” for teachings. Afterwards, of course he had to fill me in on his knowledge of oobs and reincarnation.
This was new to me, groundbreaking and dynamic. Suddenly, the Sacred Mysteries of the catholic church began exploding. It dawned on me; reincarnation explains why one child is born to a starving mother, another to a well to do family; why a child is born deformed… another not. It is the soul’s choice of experience. When the catholic church decided to eliminate mention of reincarnation from the bible, they were left with no other explanation to give, other than “It’s a Sacred Mystery.”
My knowledge that everything in the universe had to make sense and was understandable was becoming a reality. A huge chunk had fallen into place. Now it was up to me to allow my own personal horizons to expand in affiliation with my heart.
As a young child, up until my teens, I would occasionally get headaches, usually after some voiced or unvoiced disagreement with my folks. My parents, of course, had a fix for this, “Go lay down for a while.” Lying there with nothing to do but think of my headache was not what I considered an ideal solution. Why couldn’t they fix it? Why did they accept headaches as something to be bourn? Well, if they didn’t know how to fix them, then I just wouldn’t have them anymore. With that, my headache vanished, and I haven’t had one to this day. If I do get a twinge in my head, I just remember that deciscion, and it vanishes.
[18 June 2009]
For a while, working with myself was a touchy issue. I recognized that to reach the state I desired I would have to clear away the obstructing mental and emotional baggage. However determined, I was reluctant to face my fears. Gradually my intent took over. After the first few confrontations with them I realized that their power was not nearly as strong as I’d imagined.
I was working specifically on feelings then, somewhat aware of individual feelings connected to thought words… or spoken words. One day I received a gift from my soul…. perhaps an ability perfected in a different life time.
It was this: As I thought or spoke, I was aware of myself observing my thoughtspoken process. It was as if I had twinned myself to an extent. This observer part of me seemed to be in a neutral observing state. This seemed to clarify the feelings associated with the words I was using. From this neutral position it became obvious if the words I was choosing indicated evasion, guilt, or untruth, and I could change the words as needed to be a more honest being. And of course it was useful to examine why those particular words set off those particular feelings. This worked even when in conversation with others.
For several months this ability remained quite pronounced. Today it is more subtle… or incorporated… but still available.